Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
