I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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