today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i now understand why vodka
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