Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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