Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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