Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize