I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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