All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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