just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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