the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
