So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
