we have officially lost it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
