Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize