How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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