Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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