man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
