I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
