I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize