Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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