my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
