If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
