I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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