Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
