Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
