I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
