Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
