I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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