Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
