he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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