My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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