I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
