Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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