On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
