his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
