And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize