I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
