he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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