I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
