so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
