You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
