Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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