we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
