Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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