): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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