Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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