Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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