Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
