Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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