yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
