She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
