haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
