I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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