Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
