I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
