that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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