i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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