I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
