wakey wakey hands off snakey
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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