I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
