My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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