I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
