Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
