everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
