very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
