I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
